


For You I Will

by unwritten25



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Drabble, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 10:43:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15047123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unwritten25/pseuds/unwritten25
Summary: When she kisses him, the cold is finally gone.//When she kisses him, the long broken pieces of his heart come back together, leaving him whole once more.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Posting two GG oneshots from ff.net here for easier access. Completed and completely unedited since I wrote them ten years ago, so please forgive glaring mistakes.

_"I love you."_

Time stops and all Rory Gilmore can do is stay still with it. She's motionless with the same shock she felt when she first saw Jess' face, peaceful and asleep. She'd been telling the truth when she'd said she'd imagined this scene over and over, tormenting herself with what if's that probably would never happen. She'd barely dared to dream that he would say those words. After all, you didn't leave the person you loved.

Staring into his face, seeing his intense dark eyes that had made her shiver inside when she was sixteen and still did at nineteen, she knew he was telling the truth. But staring into that face also reminded her of who he was – the one who'd abandoned her, instead of being abandoned, the one who had left without a note or a goodbye. He'd broken her, and even those words couldn't fully pick up the pieces. Because, for the moment, they were only words. Actions spoke louder, after all.

He's turning away now, and Rory reflects bitterly that this seems to be a pattern for them – him leaving her behind to watch as he walked out of her life. And he would always have her heart – the parts that she could never entrust to Dean. Jess had been the only person she could be fully _herself_ with, not "the perfect girl" that she'd been with Dean, but Rory. Only Rory, a girl who loved books and her mom and learning with a vigor. The Rory that made mistakes and fell down sometimes, but also the Rory that was able to spring up from those mistakes twice as strong.

Rory didn't cry as Jess walked away. She was used to being left behind by him. But she felt empty inside as she turned towards the bonfire, hoping that some of its heat would enter her and take away the cold, cold feeling in her stomach.

* * *

It's months before she sees him again, and by the time she does she's thrust his words into the darkest pit of her mind, doing her best to ignore them. She doesn't want to think about Jess, because if she does she'll call him and he'll convince her to leave her life behind. Because she loves Jess more thoroughly than she could ever love Dean. There was a reason she'd left him for Jess, after all.

But she can't run away with Jess, because her _life_ is here. Yale, her mom, _writing_ , her education, Paris . . . . Can Jess replace that life? No. Because even though he's said the words, he hasn't done _anything_ to back them up. He can't replace the life she has now until she's sure that he actually loves her. Because even though she knows Jess well enough to realize that he doesn't say things (to her) without meaning them, she's not sure he knows his own heart well enough to tell if he loves her.

So she refuses his offer. And when he leaves again, the empty feeling grows stronger.

* * *

It's a long time until she sees him again, and by the time she does she's changed. She's no longer his Rory; instead she's turned into "Ace". And Ace is one for parties and gowns and the DCR. She's the one that parties and drinks and has sex with a man she isn't sure loves her completely. Ace is the one who ditched her Yale education, Ace is the one living in her grandparent's pool house. Ace is the one on bad terms with her mother.

But Jess looks different too. He's changed, in a better way than she has. He has a book; he's _making_ something of himself. And he's calm when he looks at her, as if the old desperation he's had when dealing with her has cooled with time. It's odd, but nice, in a way.

Logan's appearance throws her off, and she can't help seeing flashbacks of her Chilton days, but instead of Logan there's Dean. Or, if she thinks even further back, there's confrontations with Dean and Tristan, the boy she still remembers years later. She knows that Jess doesn't like Logan – she can tell by his newly sullen attitude, the set of his jaw that she hasn't seen since they were sixteen and he got easily jealous of her ex, and the darting intensity of his eyes. Logan doesn't like Jess either, but he hides it less. Rory wonders what that says about their relationship.

When Logan loses control, she runs after Jess because he was first in her heart, and she hates Logan at the moment for what he said. She knows Jess better than anyone, and he's better than half of the Yale population, no matter that they got into the school and he didn't. He wrote a _book_. He's going somewhere in his life, and for Logan to dismiss that is arrogant and bastard-like. Rory remembers why she disliked him at first, before he charmed her.

And then Jess is yelling at her. The things he says are all things she's heard before – whether from her mother or the little voices in her head that whisper in the dark of night. And suddenly she sees what everyone else has been seeing all the time; that she has been wasting her life, becoming the daughter Richard and Emily always wanted, but couldn't find in Lorelai. Maybe it's the fact that Jess is telling her, but she can see that she's been thrown off the right path for her – that she's been losing her sense of self that had drawn Dean and Jess to her in the first place. 

She doesn't hesitate when she comes to this revelation, because she's always known she's felt this way. And from the furious glitter in Jess' eyes at the way she's lost herself, she can tell, finally, that he truthfully feels the same way.

When she kisses him, the cold is finally gone.


	2. miss you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally a separate sequel, but i've put it together with for you i will to make it easier to access.

_"I love you."_

Rory will never know the courage it took Jess Mariano to say those three words. He was never sure enough to say them when they were younger and together ( _but then, he hadn't been sure of many things back then_ ), but after all these months of missing her, he knows that it's true. But he can see the disbelief in her face, and it hurts too much to stay there, waiting for her to say something. What he wants her to say, Jess has no idea. But he isn't sure about what he wants, most of the time.

Rory hasn't been the only one imagining their meeting thousands upon thousands and thousands of times over, each with a different ending. Jess is nothing if not imaginative. Of course, he never meant to say those three words aloud, but they'd come on their own. Seeing Rory's face, hearing her speak . . . it caused all those old emotions to rise out of him like hot water on cold.

But he walked away from her and the realm of possible answers she may or may not have had. And his heart breaks a little with every step he takes.

* * *

When he sees her again, he had plans of rationality. Of telling her calmly of what he wanted to do, of coming up with an argument she'd listen to. But all that logical thinking flies out of the window when he sees her with Dean.

It was always Dean who dragged out the worst in Jess, just as Rory always brought out the best in him. He can't stand the sight of him with her, and instead of a calm plan all that comes out is a desperate plea. His words grow louder and shriller and more pathetic, and all he can do is cringe with self-pity and embarrassment inside. Because Rory's answer is already written on her face.

Even knowing what she'll say doesn't take the pain of his shattered heart away when she refuses.

* * *

It's months before he sees her again, and by that time he's changed. Rory's rejection and the writing of his book has calmed him; there's no more desperation when he sees her face, only a serene kind of love. He feels confident now, collected, and completely unlike his desperate teenaged self who begged the girl he loved to just come away with him.

Of course, that all blows away when _he_ arrives.

Pretty, blond, and arrogant; Jess dislikes him immediately, and by the angry look in the guy's eyes, _Logan_ doesn't think much of him either. Jess doesn't care; Rory can do better. Instead she's with this frat party jerk who lives on his daddy's money instead of his own.

Jess is surprised by the changes in Rory. She's living with her grandparents, instead of with her mom, whom she always seemed so close to. She's joined a posh group like the DAR. She dropped out of _Yale_ for Christ's sake. And now she's dating a loser like Logan?

When the blond jerk begins bad-mouthing him, he leaves. He loves _Rory_ , not this strange person she's become. He loves the girl who liked Chinese food even though it stunk up the house, who watched girly chick flick movies and forced him to also, who discussed difficult books like they were easy as pie. He loves her. But this Rory has turned into the empty air-head that he's always despised, even before he went to Stars Hollow. He would've stayed for the old Rory; for this strange person inhabiting her body, he would do nothing.

But when she calls out to him, he can't help but stop. And suddenly he's angry. With her, with himself, with her pretty boyfriend that hasn't even _tried_ to make her put her life back together. He yells at her, throwing her faults into her face, maybe for revenge, but mostly because he can't stand to see her this way, so far from the wonderful and quirky person she used to be.

The words come through a haze of fury and desperation – two emotions he'd promised himself never to feel in Rory's presence again. It's because he's so furious that he doesn't see her lean closer and closer to him until they're standing eye to eye, breathing the same air.

When she kisses him, the long broken pieces of his heart come back together, leaving him whole once more.


End file.
